Time of the Month
by moonrainer
Summary: Tonks interviews Remus on his lycanthropy, which leads him to reflect on his feelings for her.


**A/N** All the characters and places you recognise here are based on J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. The story below however is entirely my own.

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She groaned, throwing herself on the bed. "This is terrible!" For emphasis, she flung up her hands to cover her face.

He couldn't help but smile. He loved how vivacious she was, no matter how she was feeling.

Peeking through her fingers, she remarked, "Stop laughing, Remus Lupin! You should be worried sick about me! What if I'm suffering from a lethal illness?"

Remus lay down sideways next to her, his head propped up with his hand. "Last time I checked, you were just on your period."

"Agony! Despair! Horror!" Tonks turned onto her stomach, burying her head in a pillow to make a muffled afflicted noise.

"If you'd like to swap…" he offered jokingly, only to see her whole body stiffen immediately. When she lifted her face, he was met with an expression of shock and embarrassment.

"Merlin, I'm so sorry, I didn't think-"

"Oh, no," he quickly said reassuringly, simultaneously being mad at himself for the discomfort he had just caused her. "It was only a joke, I didn't say that to make you feel bad." Still, he could see that her concern didn't wear off.

"No, it's totally my fault! I go on and on about how horrible I feel, even though it's actually laughable compared to what you have to endure." She sat up cross-legged and took his hand in hers. "You go through so much and still you never say anything."

Sitting up as well, he simply shrugged. "My condition has been a part of my life for so long that I've gotten used to it. It belongs to me, and I have accepted that. There's nothing to complain about. It just is how it is."

Cupping his face with her hands, she whispered "My brave man." before giving him a soft kiss. An overwhelming feeling of exhilaration flushed through his body.

When she pulled back, he noticed that she still looked uneasy. "I just wish that I could…" She trailed off.

He squeezed her hands. "I know."

They sat in silence for a little while. He once again noticed that simply being in her presence elated his mood considerably. She was like a lucky charm. When her eyes met his, he beamed at her, trying to convey how pleasant it was to be with her and how comfortable he felt around her.

The smile Tonks returned was fainter than usual. "I somehow feel that it stands between us."

It was like a blow to his stomach. His face went blank.

"Not in that way!" she exclaimed, stroking his hands. "It's just that … I don't really know anything about that part of yours and I … I'd like to understand."

Remus relaxed. She didn't despise him. No, she never had. All she had ever shown him was kindness and empathy. What made him think that she would suddenly turn away from him? It was stupid.

"It happens every month at full moon, I can't help it. The transition is quite painful, and I have to shut myself in somewhere in order not to accidentally hurt someone." This was what he feared the most: causing harm to an innocent person during his rampant state of involuntary deliriousness.

Tonks nodded, her beautiful, heart-shaped face serious. Remus sensed that she didn't want to press him to continue speaking, but he knew that he had not yet answered the actual, unasked question. Looking into her eyes (which had turned a calming shade of grey), he decided that she, above all others, deserved to know. If he was to confide in someone, it would be her. Always.

"It's … strange. I can feel it coming. I'm aware that it's happening, but once I'm fully transformed, I can't think straight anymore. Everything about my human self – my thoughts, memories, reason… It just seems to be gone somehow, and all that's left is this … blind, wild rage."

Suddenly, he couldn't bear to look at her anymore. Trying to push aside the feeling of piercing shame, he continued, his voice trembling slightly.

"Every single time, I'm losing myself. I turn into a monster. It's like I'm going mad. And I … I always feel so powerless, because I can't defeat it."

Remus gulped. He couldn't remember when he had last felt so vulnerable.

"And yet here you are, fighting like the hero you are." Her voice was soft but steady. "It makes me proud to be with you."

He eyed her timidly and was overwhelmed by her air of unmistakable sincerity and warmth. Sometimes, he still had trouble accepting that Tonks really cared for him, wanted him. How did he deserve her? However, every time she looked at him, all his doubts were cast away by the kindness and affection contained in her lively smile and her beautiful, expressive eyes.

Often, Remus had imagined what it would be like to be in love with someone and to be loved back with the same intensity, but it had never occurred to him that he could ever let that happen. He had always been too scared of himself, too scared of the harm he could potentially inflict. But then, ever so suddenly, she had burst into his life. And boy, had he fallen for her.

It was hard for him to give in to his happiness, because deep down he always had the feeling that it was wrong. He shouldn't be putting the person he loved most in this world into danger. He shouldn't subject her to the hatred that was constantly directed at him. She shouldn't have to share his miserable life. Like a mantra, the familiar words had rooted themselves deep into his mind. _Too poor. Too old. Too dangerous. Ostracised._

He had seen what his condition had done to his mother, and it was this knowledge and his guilty conscience that had driven him away from his father, determined not to impair his life any further.

But what was he doing now? He had opened up, invited her in. Against his better judgement, he had touched her, kissed her, claimed her - he even lived with her! He couldn't justify it reasonably; he was solely ruled by his emotions. Not to love her, not to be with her … it would break his heart, he was sure of it. He was consumed by his feelings for her.

Shaking his head, Remus drew a deep breath. Yes, she loved him, just as he loved her. She wanted him, just as he wanted her. It was right. They were together, and it felt good.

"Okay, your turn now." He smiled, now most determined to enjoy this precious moment with her.

Tonks looked bewildered. "What d'you mean?"

Smirking, he elaborated, " _Your_ explanation was lacking detail. I am, as you well know, not familiar with the various sensations that come with possessing a uterus."

She burst out laughing, throwing a cushion at him. "You're unbelievable!"

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 **A/N** I started writing this on my period. (Whoops.) And seeing as I've been very into Remadora recently, the pun just came to me and I simply had to write the story...

I really hope you enjoyed it, let me know if you liked the little excursion into Remus's thoughts on his love for Tonks.


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